Feeling eternal is not an easy state of being.  I found that the only mechanism through which I could begin to approach the subject of eternity was with my own extinction.  The deep guttural feeling when you fully realize that you are guaranteed a moment where your existence will end, is the starting place for this experiment.  After recollecting my emotional equilibrium I was then able to venture into eternity.

Lacking the first tool to comprehend the eternal, I turned towards enveloping myself in the feeling of eternity.  I shut my eyes, plugged my ears, and did my best to completely restrict any outside stimuli from influencing my thoughts.  As I began to forget the feeling of vision and the familiarity of sound I was able to drift into a part of the mind where one isn’t completely in control.  I shift my thoughts to the eternity of space, yet know that there is something fundamentally wrong.  Again I try to remain thoughtless in an attempt to experience what can’t be experienced.  Despite my most earnest efforts, some tick of reality draws me back inside my own body.

While trying this experiment I discovered how closely linked we are to our bodies.  In the white nose of the everyday, we seem to lose sight of the intimate relationship that our body plays in the experiential nature of our existence.  Depriving the mind of its’ connection to the body only spurs it to seek it with even more fervor.  The feeling of eternity must be liken to a body with no mind, or a mind with no body.  It seems that it is the ability for the two to interact that gives definition to the finite.  In this world we may only experience the play between the mind and body and therefore must attribute our knowledge of the finite as such.

        The idea of performance wasn’t something completely foreign to my life before this class. However, my relationship to performance, among many other things, where challenged over the course of the creation of our ritual.  As a musician, performance meant hours of careful practice only to culminate in a final repetition of a piece that I knew though and through.  They way our ritual developed revealed interesting and new perspectives into the function and power of performance.  Group cohesion coupled with fractured opinions with in the month of November resulted in a fluent performance that rivaled any of my past concerts or recitals.

         Finality brought the community into focus for me.  As we left the site of our ritual there was a transformed sense of unity of community.  Despite that there wasn’t any specific end to the ritual there was a specific moment in which my own link and relationship to the community changed forever.  It was after the collective actions we performed throughout the ritual that bred this sense of change.  By separating the mundane from the ritualistic, we were able to create a space where, through performative action, we could truly be transformed.  I partially attribute this to the variance from the ritual.  We had a specific sense of the flow of the ritual, yet acting through it we were able to do work not possible in the classroom.

         Outside of the guidelines that we made for ourselves, there existed an unexplored space.  Through the performance of our ritual we were able to create a certain sense of materiality.  The group united in mind and in spirit in a completely new way that had yet to be experienced insofar.  It seems to be through the amalgamation of body, spirit and mind that true change can be extracted from the performance of collective action.  An ‘Other’ space was formed that night that can never be duplicated.  The uniqueness of the ritual not only draws upon each individual but the relationship of the individual to the process of performance.  It is through collective performance that community is truly formed.

         Performance of religion can be derived from the consciousness experienced by the class on the night of our ritual.  Through our collective performative actions we solidified and confirmed our relationships.  Whether the desired confirmation from a God or spirit depends solely on the collective desires of the community.  Performance of religion is an attempt to connect to the sacred.  Only inside the space of the ritualistic and holy can this link by truly actualized.  For it is within this space that we acted, and it was within this mechanism through which we were genuinely transformed.

Closing my eyes in the shower is something I do naturally as a stress reliever.  It is nice to just sit and let the warm water hit your body while thinking about nothing except how sensational it feels.  Listening to the beads of water come into contact with your skin is peaceful.  I struggled trying to confine myself to the single sensation of feeling and hearing only the water, without meaning, without images.  My room is literally an icebox, so sitting in the steamy shower with the door closed to trap in heat, I imagined myself sitting in a warm jacuzzi in the mountains.  I pictured myself alone, enjoying the quiet night with the moonlight lighting up my surrounding area.  The text from Astonish Yourself #40 asks to shut down any scene that you begin to imagine so I quickly stop thinking about the refreshing mountain air and hot jacuzzi.  Remaining speechless I  tried to understand what I was feeling as the hot water spouted out of the faucet.  Drenched with water I became warm and wet.  My feet were rooted to the bottom of the tub like a tree in soil.  Not only did I feel unsafe taking a shower with my eyes closed, it was difficult for me to find my shampoo and conditioner.  Aware of the approximate place I last left my shampoo bottle, I slowly reached for it.  All of my actions were slowed down x’s 5.  I had to use my memory and dig deep inside to locate where I would find my conditioner.  This experience left me more aware of my surroundings.  I had to rely on other senses besides my eyes and it was refreshing to learn that I am capable of doing things without my sight.

I remember the first email I received from professor Cohen telling us to read the syllabus. It was, by far, one of the most intimidating syllabi I’ve seen. I remember reading out the syllabus to my newly acquainted roommates asking them for their advice. I’m sad to say that they weren’t much help. In fact they thought it was hysterical and one roommate laughed so hard he actually fell off the couch (I kid you not). Despite my roommate’s obvious feelings towards the class, I decided to attend. I was well prepared. I read and re-read the first assignment multiple times expecting to have to do some sort of written exercise or summarizing what I had read for the class and I’m happy to say that I was completely wrong. First in class assignment- walk around eyes closed.

I’m so happy I decided to take this class. I would have never expected to take a class like this in all my academic years. A class that required me to make a mask and do a Tableau in front of the class, a class that completely expanded my boundaries and comfort level.

On December 8^th 2011, our long awaited ritual was performed. It was an experience that seemed magical and indescribable (but I will try to do my best). Our bodies came together to express our thoughts, dreams, happiness, etc. Our ritual was a collection everyone’s actions. Every individual’s movements, actions, words, and emotions, made up our ritual. I remember clearly, as if I had taken a mental image of this moment, when Karen and Amanda were running towards the ocean screaming on the top of their lungs. That for them was an emotional ­­exploration of freedom, though looking at it from others perspective, it was art and a part of our ritual. Everything we had done was in fact our ritual.  Looking back, we talked about variance & invariance. Walking towards the beach in two lines was invariance, though having the class chant random phrases, having Brock make us run downhill, or having Alvin make us hop in the middle of the street were invariance and all parts of the ritual that were not scripted and it was what made it so remarkable for me.

For three weeks we sat and scripted our ritual. We spent hours thinking in our small spaced class and planning a performance that no one could have imagined to turn out the way it did. We sometimes lacked the enthusiasm and interest to participate during the planning and were sometimes too intimidated to speak up and get engaged. However, during the day of our ritual, that all changed. Everyone was fully engaged, motivated, and willing to take on this transformation. Stepping in class and doing our “I’m so glad you’re here” exercise felt real and more pure than ever before. It was the first time I had honestly starred into someone’s eyes without having feeling awkward or vulnerable. This feeling not only existed in this exercise but also transferred itself to the experience of the entire day. Normally when one is around strangers in a class room, even if they’ve seen the same faces for the entire quarter, that genuine human interaction is rarely present. However after this ritual experience, even though I’ve known these people for only a quarter I felt like I’ve known them for much longer. And every human interaction was sincere. This showed me the importance of honest human interaction and how I no longer want a lack of that in my life.

It amazes me how a simple fire pit can bring so many people together. How sharing food and good conversation can make me feel like I have known my classmates for years. There was a sense of community that seemed so real yet magical. It was almost like a dream because I knew that I would never be able to have such a unique experience like this ever again.

Deming had once mentioned that religion can never be fully realized in our world. It can only be approached through ideas. Knowing this, I believe that “performing religion” is the simply the physical manifestation of these ideas. Religion is when people, who have similar ideas and beliefs, come together to openly express these ideas and form a sense of community. I feel that our actions during the ritual resembled this same concept. During the performance of our ritual, we brought our individuality and our ideas together to form that same sense of community. For that short period of time, we all were one.

It’s now that time of year that we hear bells ringing wherever we may go.  Jingle, jingle, jingle.  For many, that jingling sound is reminiscent of the wintertime.  Jingle, jingle, jingle.  However, this jingling sound that I hear is not from the outside; no, it is from the eight bells looped around a colorful ribbon band that I was given and welcomed with just days ago.

While packing my belongings in preparation for going home this Winter Break, two items I made sure to bring with me were this bell band and the glowstick.  To the ordinary observer, even my closest friends and family, these items have no significance whatsoever.  But as they hung in my dresser the next day after our ritual, I couldn’t help but become teary-eyed.  Holding them in my hands, I was reminded just how fortunate and blessed I had been to be graced with everyone in the class’ presence these past few weeks.  Packing my clothes, I smelled the sage and the fire.  Oddly enough, I couldn’t smell the beach on my clothes, which I normally do after visiting the ocean side.   My glowstick still shone luminously, like the warmth in my heart that everyone has given me.

It’s so funny to me that we discussed the concept of “communitas” in class earlier this quarter.  The participants in the state of liminality were desirous to continue their bond together even after their reintegration.  Are we too like the participants of a rite of passage?  Many members of the class expressed this same yearning to stay connected after this class was over.  Most fortunately for us, we will have a chance to regather once again next quarter, when two of our beloved classmates will perform for us their own ritual.  How likely will it be that this sense of community will carry on?  Will we truly still feel connected to our former classmates, or will that have passed on?

This class was a great pleasure to be in.  I was, and still am, truly happy that all of us were there together.  Especially during the second half of the quarter, I felt that bond between us grow.  Of course we had so many good bonding experiences, but while preparing for our own ritual, experiencing together the Wiccan ritual and the movement workshop was quite influential on our bond.

We learned that ritual is the basic social act of humanity.  In going through these different rituals together, we did create a community, no longer just being classmates, but becoming friends.  After high school, I began to realize who my true friends were, as many of my peers similarly experienced.  I drew the line between classmates and friends quite clearly for myself.  Though using my definition of such, the people I have met in this class would still only be considered classmates, the uniqueness of it all really makes everyone into my friend.

As I mentioned during our ritual, I felt so alone in the beginning of the quarter.  I was afraid that I would not make any friends and would just drift lonely amid the sea of students that is UCSD.  Instead, I was submerged into this community in RELI 143 and I would not take that back.  Slowly, the more that I shared in body and mind with these newfound friends, the more this sense of community was built up.  It felt as if the ritual itself, though confirmative and celebratory in nature, was the highest point of the entire quarter.  It is sad that that the highest point was also the last thing we would do together as a class, at least officially and for sure.

Similarly, performing religion in our world creates a sense of community.  If anything, performing ritual with others affirms a sense of belonging, if not a confirmation of belief and faith.  Religious ritual is, in a sense, a state of liminality that, being repeated, perpetuates and secures this community.  Through these rituals, I have been closely bonded to my parents.  Through these rituals, I have been closely bonded to those of my faith communities.  In our rituals, we too have been closely bonded together.

Our ritual, though not religious in nature, has not only confirmed our bond, but has made it holy and sacred, strengthened in its purity and elevation.  I only hope that this will not mark the end of our time together.  Though we now disband as a class, we need not disband as a community.  I wish only the best for each and every member and participant of our class.  I am, and always will be, truly glad that all of us were together.  If anything, I will hold our time together in a special place within my heart.  I am grateful for having had the utmost privilege and honor of being with everyone this past quarter.

     There is no doubt that this class has been a one of a kind experience, probably not only for me, but for a good portion of the class as well. I have spent the past two years in huge lecture halls with hundreds of students, with hardly any recollection of any type of meaning connection or experience with any of my peers. We indeed are spectators in the bulk of our classes, and to a degree many of us, including me, were spectators in this class in the beginning. But like Marina Abramovic’s Lips of Thomas performance, us spectators were called into action, and once we participated we were no longer spectators, but participators.

      Religion is part of the intangible world. We cannot touch or see religion, it is a mere idea, to which so many believe and live through. Though we cannot touch religion we of course can see, feel and smell performances of religion. Through performances we engage and continue teachings of our religions practices. When I joined the class I was sure, this would be a class that focused on the history of religions. I was really hoping that we focused on Catholicism, since I am Catholic. I ended up signing up late for the class, because I had just transferred colleges(Revelle to Thurgood). So the first day I joined the class was actually the second day for everyone else, so I was a little thrown off when the first thing we did was  stand back to back with one another. Of course like any other class there is the introduction phase, where one stands up says their name and something about them to the class. But the act of starring at a complete stranger without saying one word to him and then having him strapped to my back, was truly something I don’t think I was ready for. Though I sometimes consider myself as not a shy person, I can definitely say the uncertainty and unorthodox structure of the class, pushed me into my shell for the some time during the quarter.

     Fast forward to a few weeks before the December 8^th. Once we started to talk about what was going to happen during our ritual, I felt a little more open with classmates and what exactly it was we were doing. After you touch someone’s face and tell them that you’re glad they were there, you start to open up more then if you didn’t. Once I seen that we were spending so much time into preparing and organizing our ritual, I began to realize that this ritual reflects what I want, and what I got out of the class. I felt I could add my own personality to the ritual. I was no longer a observer, but a performer, creating my own “performance art”. The class that definitely got me into the performance part, was when we had our first class in the dance studio, with Professor Cohen’s friend. I went with a pretty open mind as I have learned to do in this class, but the exercises we performed had an affect on me that stood out far behind any other, during any other class. One of the main goals of a ritual is to seek transformation and to an extent try to create an out of body experience. I wont lie and say that our final ritual on December 8^th, I had one of those experiences, because though I did take it serious and perform in the ritual with purposeful intentions, I did not have that strong a experience as I did that day. I can honestly say that there was a point in that class, where we were practicing our ritual, that I actually had an out of body experience.  During all the commotion and sound in the darkness, I literally seen myself at our future ritual. I could see my feet in the sand and could feel and see the water reaching my feet. This was like no other experience I have ever had. I was ecstatic after class, I walked away so light hearted and at ease, there was not a thing that could get me out of that state for the rest of that day. (I wouldn’t mind learning how I could get involved in regular performances like that) Also as I stated before that religion can only be performed and not actually tangible. My experience seems to call that statement into question. If I could feel the see and feel the water in my head, it almost makes it tangible to me. To say the least that was an amazing and crazy experience for me.

     Overall I feel that this class opened my mind towards ways to perform actions in my everyday life. During our last ritual I kept thinking that I could not believe how we let ourselves get to the point where we were running around hollering, racing, and enjoying one another’s company. It seemed like a group of friends rather then a final at a school, where people literally pull their hair out over stress. All I know is that I am very grateful that I got to experience this class, this professor, and all of you classmates as my last class at UCSD. I can say that I will never forget the way my undergraduate career ended with a final at black’s beach, with what seemed to be newly found brothers and sisters of our Ritual.

Never before in my life did I ever realize I had been performing all along.  This class made me aware of this reality and the potential of being a performer and spectator.  As a performer, one gains awareness and the ability to gain greater self control.  As a spectator, one gains perspective through observation and analysis.  Using both disciplines in chorus, the opportunity for spiritual or religious development exists.

In this class, not only were we able to apply our own bodies and analyze ourselves, we had the pleasure of learning about and among others within the concept of liminality and communitas.  The experiments and blog allowed for us to analyze our natural self in varying situations and the class and ritual allowed for us to practice performance in a community atmosphere.  Both environments created an atmosphere of equality and neutrality where one can truly perform or be themselves.

Just by being present and not dropping the class we signified ourselves as ones who wanted to part take in something different and we were definitely in for an experience to remember.  Signing up for the class, like my other fellow classmates, I expected to just read and write, but by practically applying what we learned in the reading and then writing about it makes so much more sense.

The performance part of the class began for me with the masking experiment.  This was the first time we would perform individually and together.  The high degree of variance during the impromptu and improvisational skits spoke volumes to how performance correlates to religion (religion, as Deming defined, “is the orientation to the ultimate reality”).  At this luminal and un-choreographed state we are at the threshold of this ultimate reality and in order to enter, orient or simply realize this reality we must not just see, or feel we must apply it or perform within or juxtapose to it.

The final ritual, although it was choreographed in a loose framework, it left for a high degree of variance that allowed for others and as well as myself to reach a trance like state.  To reach such a sate is difficult but with my situation at the time (finals) it was greatly welcomed and enjoyed.  In this state I was able to perform without being too embarrassed or analytical.  At this time we were each other’s spectators as we are in the class, where everybody is at a luminal or neutral state, and it is much easier to perform.

The preparation for the ritual exemplified the concept of liminality and communitas as everyone had the opportunity to speak.  Although leaders emerged a real sense of equality and understanding was achieved to where many ideas were considered.  It is in this luminal or natural state that performance must began in order to gain a real sense of self, as mentioned in the readings by Dymphna Callery, “Preparing the Body, “Through the Body: A Practical Guide to Physical Theater “

My performance for the final project exemplified a natural state.  The the last year hasn’t been as relaxing as I’d hope but as I sit on the beach that evening for the first time in  a long time I was truly happy.  I was a happy UCSD student sitting with my peers in a safe, cold but yet warm place.  I believe that is what performing religion is all about, creating a memory with those who you share something with to attain happiness.

Imagine yourself high up.
Where am I? Easy, when I think of a place that I would want to be high above it is La Jolla shores. My one place where I have always felt I could be myself.  Feet in the sand, water rushing past my feet and the gently washing past me and cusing me to slowly sink and become even closer to the earth. The ocean doesn’t judge me because of my gpa, weight, social status, or use my mistakes as amo against me; it doesnt descriminate me for not having gills, or four feet, or being apart of the human race that it slowly killing it. It just cares that I stop by from time to time and bask in the beauty that it has to give.  This is my happy place. It is also a place that can easily close my eyes and imagine.

My eyes are closed. It’s about 8pm and the moon is high. The waves are crashing. I begin to imagine myself elevating, first sitting with my legs crossed and my eyes closed. I feel myself lifting off of the cold sand and I can feel the surrounding sea breeze engulfing my entire body and helping me elevate even quicker at a comfortable acceleration .When I am well above the ocean and surrounding cliff I open my eyes and start to take in the world below me.  It’s a few moments before I realize that I haven’t been breathing.  My breathing in short and shallow, the oxygen was thinner than I expected.  But honestly, I think it is mainly due to the view taking my breath away.  The moon light reflecting off of the ocean, the sound of the waves, and the feeling of the air engulfing me. It was almost like I was swimming in the ocean I was so high above. My movements are very slow and almost majestic… my lungs and my heart are feeling a bit tight. but this is almost a comforting feeling to me. Once being a swimmer I am accustomed to the feeling of not getting enough oxygen to all limbs at once. this only increases the feeling of me being under water.  One of the best and most unique feelings that I could not have imagined feeling prior to the experiment.  The idea of feeling like I am drowning while thousands of feet above the water… almost indescribable… I think I have officially found my new form of meditation. And it came so easily. The experiment says that it could take a few times to get all the physical feeling down, me, it was like I had actually floated up to this spot before. I can only hope that I get to experience this more in depth in a dream..

For many of us the journey through this course began more than 11 weeks ago.  At some point over the summer we all decided for one reason or another to take RELI 143 Performing Religion.  I have heard a variety of reasons varying from general ed requirements, major/ minor requirements, auditing, and ever pure curiosity about the topic; what ever the reason it brought the ~32 of us together for an unforgettable experience. When we started putting the ritual together as a class I think there was quite a bit of confusion floating around the room. None of us seemed to really understand what was expected of us, how we were supposed to come together and all agree on how to proceed and most importantly ‘are we being graded on this??’  After the first few days of discussion the class seemed to finally be getting the hang of what we were doing and participation began to pick up. However, it seemed that the more participation lead to more ideas which lead to nothing being decided for the actual night of the ritual. For a bit of time I was a tad irritated with how things were flowing. I think that maybe it took me a little bit longer than most to actually feel comfortable in class… I constantly felt like no one wanted to hear a thing that I had to say, i felt like i was better off bending in with the wall. But me being me that was nearly impossible! I even told myself one day that I was going to come to class and not say a thing unless I was talked to first; that lasted maybe 15 minutes… and I just started participating in every way that felt fit. ( this eventually really paid off!!)  After the few weeks we spent in the class room we had a nice little rough draft…. well…. nice isn’t exactly the perfect word to describe that… did anyone else read the rough draft and think…”so, we are going to the beach. there will be fire…. wait, what else are we doing… o! there will be food! cool!” well that was all i thought of the original rough draft! But the two nights that we spent in the dance studio blew my mind! That was when the ritual really came together for me physically and emotionally. After the first day of toning I instantly felt a connection with everyone in the room that had not been there before. This was my first true experience of performing. I even came up to Professor Cohen afterwards and thanked him. I have been studying Religion now for a few years, but before then I had never truly experienced something like that. I learned that you need to experience thing to truly understand. There is only so much you can get out of a book. you must live your life to understand life.  Now the actual experiment…. Walking into the class room for the last time was more moving of an experience than i thought it would be.  Due to my schedule this term I was never early to class, i was lucky to make it on time! But on thursday I was able to make it about a half an hour prior to start time. I was able to sit back in the room and just converse with whoever else was there early and talk about how excited we were for the experiment, finals, life, and just simply getting to know people a little bit better. I also finally got to see that there indeed are NOT chair moving fairies that move the chairs every tuesday and thursday! I would actually have to say that my favorite part of the ritual was everything that happened in the room. The “i am so glad you are here” was so genuine this time… and it even turned into hugging everyone and actually holding them and recognizing their presence and their contribution to the course as a whole.   This was also a time to say things to other people in the class that you have been wanting to say all term. There were so many great words flying around the room that I think it was impossible to not be smiling afterwards the rest of the ritual… I am not sure that it went the way I had imagined or even hoped.  I think I was expecting the script to be taken a little bit more seriously. I was concerned what Professor Cohen was going to think… the way down seemed to be mainly a bunch of young kids blowing off steam and having a blast.  But once I shared these concerns with another class mate she reassured me that there was no way for us to just go by the rules. It was better to do what feels right at the time. That really sunk in with me, and i think that is exactly what everyone did. We played, we danced, we prayed, we ate, we bonded, we lived.  we all did things that felt right and beautiful.  I couldn’t have imagined a more beautiful nigh.

…. Okay, i just now reread the assignment…. Everything above is not what was asked of me HAHA… So typical of me… okay well I dont want to erase it so I will now play the witness to our experiment, i think this should be pretty easy.  If I was invited only for the performance and I watched it with out participating I would not have understood a single thing. I would have thought that these kids are so strange… running down the beach hooting and hollering to random tunes… jumping in the ocean at 8 pm in the middle of winter…. But I think that a lot of outsiders view other rituals that go on around the world in the same way… I know that I am guilty of witnessing a ritual and not understanding a single piece of it and maybe even laughing out of my own ignorance. This is one of the most important things that I have learned this term. That you need to participate in order to actually understand. This has completely changed the way in which I hope to continue my anthropological research of Religions. Our ritual was exactly what it sounds like, OURS! We did it for US. WE created it and did it as one.  I was very sad that we lost two very important people this term… but i am SO excited to have the opportunity to see everyone again next term <3 thank you everyone for a great term! I am so happy all of you are here !!